"I am an instrument in the shape
of a WOMAN trying to translate pulsations
into images
for the relief of the body
and the reconstruction of the mind."

written by Adrienne Cecile Rich

Friday, October 20, 2006

weary warrior

this really feels like 24 hours staring into the computer screen. and 24 hours squeezing the muck out of my brains just to produce something worthy of a grade.

every semester it feels like what graduating students call "thesis mode": the writing of the research paper, the reviewing of literature, the sampling, the data gathering, the analysis...

my head is stuck in the sand right now. i don't feel victorious as yet, because I and my army have still yet to overcome the walls of troy. but i also have some sense of jubilation, that, at the very least, the fighting has ceased for now, and will probably resume upon this captain's awakening (if she ever takes her head off the ground).

our group has finally put together our final paper, but this captain has to also collect her senses. i can't believe that at this time, we're already (almost) finished with our final paper with only a few bits and pieces to polish. this should feel like a horse in hay. instead, i feel like a mare restless inside the barn.

i'm quite happy with the results of our study. in my opinion, we've exhausted every bit of issue we can iron press. and it's aptly named RE(kukuruku)CALL! hehehehe....

so much to do until i leave on sunday. i wish mother would not keep on insisting we leave on sunday and leave at least a day later. i have to finish so many unfinished bees that i feel like i shouldn't, but possibly, forget anything.

today is our sem planning for the org and i'm supposed to go, but with my sight still in gray clouds, i'm not sure i'll make it across the street. i'm insisting my mom to let me go, but she won't, stating that by the time i leave on sunday, i'll already be too exhausted (because of high altitude in flight, and jetlag in a different timezone) and will have my usual migraines. what's a vacation with migraines, anyway?

worse, my regular suitor is already knocking and won't go away. tomorrow, a film showing and hopefully the last exam to complete. exam, hoo.

this face is already learning the coarseness of the sand, where the ground is warm. i cannot see anymore battles from here, and i can imagine that i'm in a place far from where i am now.

my fingers are literally getting number. each key becomes laborious to press.

i have to sit my head on pillows and rest my eyes. this captain also is mortal.

but even if this captain is mortal, she still is captain.



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Saturn's precious star
the elder sister
a squirrel under the oak
never early
Venus' healing herb
la luna de la noche
a girl of wishes
pride inside
pretending to be smart
nicely tucked in
a lady not poised
the talahiranya

Location: San Juan, Philippines

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