sanipriya's musings

"I am an instrument in the shape
of a WOMAN trying to translate pulsations
into images
for the relief of the body
and the reconstruction of the mind."

written by Adrienne Cecile Rich

Monday, October 30, 2006

cold big bear

just came down from the mountains at big bear. it was even colder than baguio... whoo, 30 degrees farenheit at night.

tita corito and tito freddie owns a house up in big bear, so we stayed there for the weekend. actually, we stayed one night in their house, and the other night at kuya gio's timeshare condo. half of that second night we spent chatting instead of sleeping, hehe.

i went for a walk yesterday morning along maple lane in big bear, and i think i heard a real bear call. i must have been hallucinating, since bears don't really come out in the morning and in town at that. anyway, i enjoyed the architecture in the area. dadi would love the colors of those houses.

autumn here is so lovely and wonderful, gold, red, orange, green, and yellow all at the same time. everything in the colors of the sunset. and the red maple leaves are marvelous at this time of the year. i took a leaf and pressed it in my book, and i'll put it in my scrapbook once i get home.

big bear lake is also just as lovely. it was windy, though; so really windy and cold. at the time we were at the lake, a man was fishing, and we watched him catch a carp, whiskered and orange.

we also carved pumpkins in time for halloween this wednesday, my first time to do so. we'll light them up tonight, and i'm so excited. those large pumpkins are really heavy! we scraped them out and hollowed them, and we saved the seeds, because steph said she'll make butong pumpkin later.

i'll be waiting for that butong (pumpkin) kalabasa later, when we see them again on halloween.

happy halloween everyone. and visit the dead on november one and two.


Friday, October 27, 2006

day two of days off

what a tiring day yesterday. all of us overslept this morning. i can still feel the jetlag. this should be gone by now.

we went to the outlet, though we were supposed to go to hollywood. i wanted to go shopping, but when i found something i liked, they didn't carry my size. everything is sooo big. they carry size 20 but not 2. ate nikki and ate margaux were with us, a good thing, since the oldies' (hehe) go shopping for styles that look too mother-ish for me.

and then dinner at steph's and kuya gio's house. i don't know what some of the food are called, but they all tasted good. really good. if i stay longer at their house i wouldn't bother looking for a size 2 the next time i go shopping. we even had a tray to go.

it's really nice to see all my cousins again--kim, ate margaux, ate nikki, kuya gio, kuya ace. we stayed and chatted so long at kuya gio's place that we all forgot the time--we got home at 11pm. it's also nice knowing that kuya ace has an interest in filipino history and the family's history. and kuya gio's ciclid reminds me of yeng the fish at stan's apartment. i really have to get an aquarium of my own.

the best part is meeting the little kids (tita corito's grandkids) for the first time. oooh. they are all pretty angels. jay jay is the dancing one. julia has so many hugs and kisses to share. sweet girl.

i don't feel literary today. buti na lang. i came here for a vacation, not for literary genius. hmm. it's a nice life. kain-tulog. i could very well do that at home, but it's nice to have a different view and see new places.

whew. it's very dry here. it's so dry that my skin is cracking and even the boogers inside my nose are dry. hehe. i miss the humidity. i can't feel my sweat anymore.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

vacation at last

finally, im in LA, baggages, jetlag, and all.

our flight yesterday (that's monday) has been cancelled because of plane trouble, and moved to tuesday at 12 noon, and the airline installed us at the century park sheraton. free hotel stay! free breakfast buffet! i definitely stuffed myself with food.

flight was uneventful, though. a few air pockets and short turbulence. i couldn't sleep on the flight; i was still living on philippine time.

we didn't fly earlier as planned, but still it felt like a vacation, because we met celebrities even if he had not yet gone to hollywood, and we already stayed in a hotel while in the philippines.

woohoo. vacation at last. it's cold here, it's evening already and we just finished dinner. tomorrow we'll go shopping (we haven't even gone around LA and the first thing on our minds is shopping. ang saya.).

i told myself last week that i really needed a vacation what with all the heckles and jeckles of this past semester. hoo. now i'm here.

at last.


Monday, October 23, 2006

mania at the naia

our departure has been delayed. waha. we (especially mother) are so excited. mother really prayed we could leave last night. oh well. wasn't meant to be.

but the good thing is, we had a sort-of run-in with wwe wrestlers. ooooh goody. they were so huge..! especially undertaker, who snobbed me when i asked if i can take a picture. big celebrities man.

mark was especially excited about batista. he was grinning a quarter moon. he really can't believe that he was so close to those celebrities. we saw booker t, finley, veto... and mark had a photo op with matt hardy. he was literally jumping around the place.

well, for me, gotta go. gotta take a bath. we'll vie for the next flight tonight. crossing fingers, hope to fly.

Friday, October 20, 2006

weary warrior

this really feels like 24 hours staring into the computer screen. and 24 hours squeezing the muck out of my brains just to produce something worthy of a grade.

every semester it feels like what graduating students call "thesis mode": the writing of the research paper, the reviewing of literature, the sampling, the data gathering, the analysis...

my head is stuck in the sand right now. i don't feel victorious as yet, because I and my army have still yet to overcome the walls of troy. but i also have some sense of jubilation, that, at the very least, the fighting has ceased for now, and will probably resume upon this captain's awakening (if she ever takes her head off the ground).

our group has finally put together our final paper, but this captain has to also collect her senses. i can't believe that at this time, we're already (almost) finished with our final paper with only a few bits and pieces to polish. this should feel like a horse in hay. instead, i feel like a mare restless inside the barn.

i'm quite happy with the results of our study. in my opinion, we've exhausted every bit of issue we can iron press. and it's aptly named RE(kukuruku)CALL! hehehehe....

so much to do until i leave on sunday. i wish mother would not keep on insisting we leave on sunday and leave at least a day later. i have to finish so many unfinished bees that i feel like i shouldn't, but possibly, forget anything.

today is our sem planning for the org and i'm supposed to go, but with my sight still in gray clouds, i'm not sure i'll make it across the street. i'm insisting my mom to let me go, but she won't, stating that by the time i leave on sunday, i'll already be too exhausted (because of high altitude in flight, and jetlag in a different timezone) and will have my usual migraines. what's a vacation with migraines, anyway?

worse, my regular suitor is already knocking and won't go away. tomorrow, a film showing and hopefully the last exam to complete. exam, hoo.

this face is already learning the coarseness of the sand, where the ground is warm. i cannot see anymore battles from here, and i can imagine that i'm in a place far from where i am now.

my fingers are literally getting number. each key becomes laborious to press.

i have to sit my head on pillows and rest my eyes. this captain also is mortal.

but even if this captain is mortal, she still is captain.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

i, robot

Non omnia possumus omnes.
We cannot do all everything.

yet, we try to. our days our stuffed with so many insignificant things. why do we still try to do and be everything?

i feel we are dehumanizing ourselves by trying to be what the robots are. we fill our days with work, work, and little time for ourselves and the people who matter most. yes, we make the robots so they can do what we can do. but we also try to do what only they and other machines can.

think of this: the word robot came from the Czech word robota, used by Capek in the play Rossum's Universal Robots, which means forced labor and drudgery.

Monday, October 16, 2006

the battle of troy has begun

our library has been ransacked and stormed through by ten giants...

actually, no, it's deadlines, deadlines, deadlines... and books are missing from the shelves, the computers' wires all tangled together, the printer heavily loaded with paper, drafts, and still printing on, and papers and notes everywhere, on the floor, on the speakers, on the chairs....


in this house, whenever prelims, midterms, or finals are approaching, the library stops getting cleaned up. my dad goes haywire whenever this happens, but he can't scold us because we're all stressed out and we'll all end up fighting. when the hell weeks really come, disaster strikes. in this jungle of a library, i won't be surprised if my little eleven-year-old brother gets lost in the chaos of it all.

plastic cups of orange juice are scattered on the long table, and if i point who the culprit is, she'll point to me back (haha.. you know who you are). i leave messes of coffee mugs too, and bread crumbs whenever i eat my breakfast here. we're all not supposed to eat here, but sometimes, we can't help it.

at times, i go straight to the computer and type up the work i have to finish. and i forget about dinner. mom doesn't want us to skip dinners, but i really sincerely forget. really. haha.

and yet i'm typing away here, on the computer. i'm really hoping that sir lacson will just read my blog and grade it as my diary for his class, anyway, some of these things, too, are observations.

i should be on my way to an exam. oh yes, exams. haha, exams.

i'll have to buy time and finish what i'm supposed to finish. i'm already on my fourth year in college and yet i still cram. don't my years of experience as a student teach me how it is whenever i have exams and deadlines and how i should not go over last minute? apparently not.

goodbye, moon. goodbye, sea. i'm off to battle the trojans.


Thursday, October 12, 2006

"half the wrong conclusions at which mankind arrive are reached... by mistaking general resemblance or imaginary similarity for real identity."

henry john palmerston said it all.

yesterday in class, mam pagli showed us a few clips of filipinos in hollywood and foreign films. oh my, i felt laughed at. transgressed, as bell hooks would call it. i really felt humiliated seeing how they depict filipinos, especially since they could use another nationality (maybe their own) to play that role. i didn't see any sense why it should be a filipino. i especially felt transgressed as to how they portrayed the filipina wife in the film Priscilla (aussie film), because, as it is, i could hear laughter inside the movie theater while it is being played. laughter at the crazy filipina.

are we just these portrayals in the global village, domestic helpers, boxers, prostitutes, and show girls?

proving them wrong as to who we really are and what we can do as filipinos doesn't really matter much if we can't prove to our fellow filipinos that we can do something for change in this country.

i was transgressed not just because i felt bad at the portrayal, but because at times they are right. how else would these images proliferate all over the world if we ourselves see us that way and if we ourselves are that way?

i learned in media promotion that the image of one product or one outfit completely differs from its identity. the image is how the product or the outfit is perceived by the people, and the identity is its nature and what it really is.

the problem with us filipinos is that we project an image into the outside world, but we do not fully understand our identity (oh, debates on our identity can go long and far. let's reserve that for another discourse). what is the nature of the filipino? who is the filipino?

child, it's your finals week

heck, i'd be happy if it's a week. make it more like three. almost a month. almost no sem break.

monik sent me a txt message and it goes like this:
bakit maraming bumagsak na puno?
hindi sila nag-aral!
kaya, mag-aral para hindi bumagsak.

i have to quit whining and start studying, if i want to make the cut, or get myself out of probation (oh, yeah, now i remember... i'm on probation!). if i flunk another subject again, it's goodbye commres. haha.

i'm all burned out of studying, and to think i still have to make it through for 4 more semesters after this one! aray! talk about taking so long to finish college.

hay, at least i'm still here. my dad used to tell me that i should count myself as lucky and fortunate enough to be studying and not out there earning a living.

i used to feel jealous of my friends who are on their way to graduation or have already graduated, but when i see kel who's always so tired after work, i think, maybe i really am still lucky. i don't have to work my ass off just to earn for my own. my parents still pay for everything, i earn a little so i can buy what i want, and i don't have to worry about paying this and that.

i am lucky.

oh yes, there's still the finals.


btw, congrats to chad and steve (developers of youtube)... you're two big billionnaires, wahoo. get yourself nice shirts, guys, you earned it. (",)


Sunday, October 01, 2006

storm of the century

the shoe fits the foot. Milenyo, many would agree, fits as the name of one of the most horrific storms to hit this country.

i am still oblivious to the havoc wreaked by this monstrous typhoon, because our power outage lasted for three days (even then, we're lucky, since our neighbors, whose power lines are connected to san juan, have no electricity as of now. our lines are connected to mandaluyong). No news, no TV, no radio, no internet, and at times, no signal. at times i had to fight the urge to shout WTF?! because my little brother can hear me.

damages caused by Milenyo are phenomenal, and the aftermath of this storm are horrendous. and I'm not exaggerating. read
the wrath of milenyo at death toll (as of this writing) stands at 72, and many still are missing. damages are climbing at P400 M, and may still increase to billions of pesos.

statistics overwhelm me, even if i'm so used to them in research. any death toll (just the fact of a death count, knowing there's more than one) scares me. this means that more than one family will have to face the future without a daddy, or a mommy, or a child. i'd rather have my possessions destroyed than lose one parent or one sibling, no matter how difficult they are at times.

in cavite, five people died when butas dam broke and swept them away. they were checking the dam and the water level to see if they and their families had to move to higher ground. most likely, one of those five was a father who was concerned if he had to evacuate his family, if he had to pack his family's belongings and bring his family somewhere safe. his and the others' concern turned around and swept them into death.

others have their own stories to tell. one upland barrio in makiling in los banos, laguna was buried by landslide. it was reported that among those who died were two children, aged 2 and 7. two kids that will be missed by their mothers who carried and took care of them, by fathers who provided for them, by their siblings who played with them.

i can't put faces or names on those 72 who died. i can only pray for those families grieving at their loss, whose families will forever be changed by the historic Milenyo that stormed through the nation.

postponed: UNLIMITED

UNLIMITED has been postponed due to circumstances beyond our control.

Milenyo happened.

Okay, as of now, there's still no power in UP, and we can't risk the safety of the participants (or any body else who is part of this event) since UP and the rest of the metro has yet to be cleaned up from, hmm, for the lack of a better term, tree debris and other live electric lines.

Announcements will be posted hopefully by Monday, October 2.

The invitation is still open for those who would like to participate in the event.


Saturn's precious star
the elder sister
a squirrel under the oak
never early
Venus' healing herb
la luna de la noche
a girl of wishes
pride inside
pretending to be smart
nicely tucked in
a lady not poised
the talahiranya

Location: San Juan, Philippines

Notes and scribbles of a wayward child

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