"I am an instrument in the shape
of a WOMAN trying to translate pulsations
into images
for the relief of the body
and the reconstruction of the mind."

written by Adrienne Cecile Rich

Sunday, January 07, 2007

16,000 free footsteps closer to heal

i'm completely afraid of being literally left alone by myself because my thoughts swim deep and now i'm immersed in my own flood of weakness.

i don't know any place else where i could put this, so now i'm writing. hopefully it can purge me. catharsis please.

breaking up is never really easy. especially if you've been together for almost three years. i can't really imagine myself not being with that person, because i shared with him so much of my life that i can't untangle myself from the web of his world. he is such a mess. i am in a worse mess than he is in now. i thought i could help him straighten out and fill in the cracks and become a better person, but he made me realize i can't because he doesn't really want to.

i thought i could make a person complete just by loving him and being myself with him. i tried to give him everything, but everything has been my mistake.

i thought his promises were enough to kindle this relationship, but they are all just promises.

i gave too much of myself, i realize that now. i gave him so much of me that he became sick of it.

it's just too much when i give more than what he can afford to give me.

i asked for too much from myself, and too much from him.

i can say i'm getting used to not having him around, but mostly because i have other people and other things around me who make me feel that i'm not alone.

it's not easy waking up one day unsure of how it will go as i tread an unknown path without the familiarity of the world i've known for so long. everyday as i wake up the only thing i'm sure of is that i miss him. awfully. terribly.

humanity has learned and healed from broken hearts but it never had the exact instruction how. maybe we are made to feel these things because the world reminds us that we are human.

i can simply walk away from these feelings and never again look back and regret what may have been. and i'll walk away, far away, to some paradise, but slowly, as he might catch up.

%so easy to love, so hard to heal%



  • At 1/09/2007 2:17 AM, Anonymous klaubette mused…

    i know how it feels like...*hugs* don't worry you'll heal...in time...more *hugs*

  • At 1/09/2007 10:32 AM, Blogger adrian mused…

    aww... nagkaroon na pla ikaw ng bf =) hehe Bagon kaalaman tungkol kay mariel =)

    Hehe nasubaybayan ko rin ung mga first parts ng going bulilit. Ganda nmn siya... at dahil matatanda nmn talaga ang gumagawa ng scripts, may mga halong pangmatanda na jokes na talaga namang ndi maiwasan. Nagagamit nga rin ang mga bata pra tirahin ang kabilang station - masama ang manood ng walang patid kaya wag manood ng bente kwatro oras... pero infairness, natawa ako dun =p

    16,000 FREE FOOTSTEPS...
    malungkot pala ito... Sorry kung ganyan ang nafi-feel mo. Kahit kelan ndi pa ako napapasok sa isang relsyon... pero alam kong mahirap tapusin ang isang magandang samahan. Obviously masmature ka nmn mag-isip sa akin... may mga realizations ka na talaga nmng makakagaan sa loob mo po. Although na-struck ako nung last words mo. Lumalayo ka na sa kanya... pero umaasa ka pa rin diba? =) I'm not sure pero sana mabigyan ulit kau ng 2nd chance =) Wish you all the best po. God Bless =)


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Saturn's precious star
the elder sister
a squirrel under the oak
never early
Venus' healing herb
la luna de la noche
a girl of wishes
pride inside
pretending to be smart
nicely tucked in
a lady not poised
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