"I am an instrument in the shape
of a WOMAN trying to translate pulsations
into images
for the relief of the body
and the reconstruction of the mind."

written by Adrienne Cecile Rich

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

at it again

tanginang buhay yan. ang stoopeed ko. i think i'm making the same mistakes i made before, ones i swore not to.

i think i'm too selfish. or maybe not. just thinking.

i would be a moron not to realize that there are things i just can't do right now. i don't want this to suffer.

i'm speaking in terms of what i know and how i know them, because i may be thinking along my own perspective without looking at the other side of the fence.

i want this one to last as long as i can make it. hm. as long as we can make it. as i told a girlfriend, i must really love this person so much to want to respect the limitations that he has set.

i don't want to be labeled as demanding or as manipulative. not anymore. i have to accept that there are things now that i cannot have, and i cannot possibly use force--charms or otherwise--to get what i want. i guess i realized that even before we got together, but it is only now that i am really trying hard to live by them.

for now, i'm giving up the freedom to decide what's best. i think he knows it better than i do. or i do know, i just don't think about it. i just hope i can live by them. he tries to think clearly for the both of us, so i guess i should also take part in doing what i must.

we're polar opposites, and may be the one thing that binds us is that we think on the same wavelength, sometimes too much, because some people think we're weird. i like to think that he complements my personality, as crazy as my personality is, and i complement his.

i think i've met my match. yes, i think i have. i hope it'll last.


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Saturn's precious star
the elder sister
a squirrel under the oak
never early
Venus' healing herb
la luna de la noche
a girl of wishes
pride inside
pretending to be smart
nicely tucked in
a lady not poised
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Location: San Juan, Philippines

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