"I am an instrument in the shape
of a WOMAN trying to translate pulsations
into images
for the relief of the body
and the reconstruction of the mind."

written by Adrienne Cecile Rich

Thursday, August 09, 2007

acads: in sickness and in health

i'd like to live one day without ever thinking of schoolwork. i've been missing my weekends. i wish i had weekends again.

i got sick the past week. the flu. at least that kept me in bed for a while, but not for long. so many things to accomplish. work floods in up to my neck. i need to devise a way to swim through these floods, or at least paddle my way through to a perch where i can rest.

it's so overwhelming, this academic life. just when i thought i have made it through a hell, there comes another semester. kind of reminds me of dante's inferno, that as he treads through hell, he gets deeper into the pit of the rings of inferno, with the punishments much worse than the last. well, it's a little consoling that dante reached heaven, but only after he tread the worst ring in hell.

it gets more difficult each month, but at least i have friends in our block who more or less know how it feels. may karamay sa pagsubok.

i keep telling my mother that i'm quitting, i'm quitting. but she won't let me. even john told me that he'll get mad at me if i quit now, after all that i've done.

hoo. i'm still waddling and paddling through waves.

on another note, when i got down from the jeepney this evening i almost kissed the ground in gratitude that i was still alive. i really loathe those kaskaserong drivers who think they're kings of the road, who race through traffic, through small spaces between vehicles, through potholes and mmda, as if time is at their heels. someone should give those drivers a knock on the noggin.

plus plus. it's 30 days to go before my birthday. yay! i wish my dad would stay for my birthday (i begged him to and i hope he'd delay his departure). i'm hoping that our paper would come out in the finals, and sept 9 would mark the grand prix. so that means, bawal ang inuman sa 8, that is, if our paper gets to the top 5. i hope so. that would be a grand birthday gift.

speaking of birthdays, it was joanne's birthday yesterday. i got her a kiss, which she didn't want to accept. so it went to mark our youngest, who hated the smooch although he enjoyed the attention.

i need to talk to someone! it's maddening not being able to pour out everything. waaah.

people keep telling me that i'm really getting thinner and i must eat to gain my weight back. yep, aside from my getting sick the past week, i [unintentionally] forget about meals whenever i'm busy. i sit in front of the computer and stay there until i finish my work, so to get me to eat, meals should be served in the library. haha.

i wish i could be as happy as ever, just like i used to be. i used to go on carefree, day by day, that even on my busiest days i was happy and blissful. i remember val told me once in elbi how weird i was because i was always smiling at people. i need myself back.

i'm sooper dooper excited for sunday to come. dad's coming home from germany (but he'll leave again for malta and then for india). i miss dad. i miss talking an earful to dad. haha.

ta-ta. blogged just to show i still exist.


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Saturn's precious star
the elder sister
a squirrel under the oak
never early
Venus' healing herb
la luna de la noche
a girl of wishes
pride inside
pretending to be smart
nicely tucked in
a lady not poised
the talahiranya

Location: San Juan, Philippines

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